Breeding the Non-Sexist, Respectable Man

I have carefully reviewed my observations (twenty some years of research), and have come to the conclusion that the absolute non-sexist, respectable man is so incredibly rare that we ought to start picketing for the survival of their extinction.
But here's the funny thing:
they're not really on the verge of extinction, but rather on the rise of coming into existence. It's not like there used to be millions of non-sexist,respectable men in the country and now they're dying out due to an alarming growth rate of manhood aliances and wars. No. They're actually beginning to emerge, and I'm hoping that maybe, just maybe, with the power of the written word I might be able to assist the reproduction.

I'm not quite sure who to address, to be perfectly honest. The men, or the women? Who shall I call to rise? Many of you reading this will find it ridiculous that I'm even considering any kind of "ralley" at all. Believe me, a few years ago, and all growing up, I never thought that my future would still have women having to demand respect. But it does. And I've finally decided to actually do something about it.

Growing up with three brothers I learned a few basic things that they themselves have told me point blank about men. 1)Men only think with their penis. 2)A man will say anything he needs to, to get a girl, so never believe a thing he says. 3)Men think about sex 24/7.

I know my brothers were only trying to protect me, but that's where my confusion came in. I mean, if this was all true then why the hell are women even attracted to men at all? I'm sorry, but if all men's brains are in their pants... it sort of makes them out to be monkeys. Right? And if he never tells a woman the truth...well, why would I want to pro-create with a liar? And if sex is all they think about 24/7, well, that just stirs up some sypathy, right? Poor guys! Thinking about it all the time! How cruel!

Something isn't adding up.

Expectations. If you expect a monkey, then what more can you ask for? If he only thinks with his penis, well, then a woman needs to just deal with that. If you expect him to always lie, well, then a woman needs to just always be on her guard. She's been warned. If he thinks about sex 24/7, well, then, his needs suddenly become more important to fulfill than ours. This is the way men are. "Don't expect anything more out of us."

I'm fully aware that my brothers were only trying to keep me from having fairy tale like ideas about men, but instead it made me realize that this is what most men want us to think of them so that we don't expect anything more from them. I'm sorry, Ladies, but even if it means me being unmarried till the end of time, I'm waiting for that prince I deserve. I'm not expecting perfection. I'm not expecting literal royalty (let's just be clear about things for those who like to misconstrue words...). But I am going to be raising that bar a few notches higher than "brain-in-the-pants". I am going to be expecting the truth. I am going to be expecting that my own needs get met, too.

I’ve addressed it a few times in my life, but have never really, really realized how openly I've had to battle sexism. Looking back, I remember all the times in my life that I was regarded as “silly” or "emotionally unstable" or told that I was "overreacting" when I was doing nothing more than sticking up for myself. Or, how about the times when my ideas were always ignored until a man (after long, unnecessary debate) had the same idea (stealing it from me), and suddenly POOF! My (stolen) idea was magically heard, and then used. Or how I’ve had to work double hard to get the respect I deserve for my cleverness, my creativeness, my comedy. Sexism was everywhere as it was for all of us. It was at school when our sixth grade teacher blatantly stated that men are smarter than women, and the entire class of boys whooped and hollered leaving us girls completely enraged and helpless and humiliated. It was at the park with the building of the forts when the boys stole our tools, we retaliated, and then they sought revenge on our retaliation, and started our infamous war. The worst part about that, the topper on it all, was that the boys went and retold their story to another girl in the neighborhood, manipulated her into thinking they were the victims, and got her to help ran sack our fort. All because they stole our tools to begin with, and we stood up for ourselves.

Or,
how about when I did something wrong, made a mistake, and it was instantly blamed on my gender instead of my humanness.

Here's an example I'd like to lead into and use: Years ago, I took my friend and her boyfriend to a tattoo and piercing parlor. I had just met the boyfriend, for one, and he had the audacity to ask to borrow money from me for the piercing (of his nipple...). For my friend's sake, I did. I lent it to him. But when we pulled into the parking lot, he was having second thoughts. So, being distracting from his concerns, I never put the car into Park. He finally made his decision to do it, so I turned off the car. I couldn't get the keys out of the ignition because it was still in Drive. None of us could figure out what was wrong (including him, mind you). When I finally figured out what the problem was, we all laughed about it until he had to ruin the moment with: "That's why women shouldn't drive." OH YEAH. HE DID. (And for those men who are reading this and are in denial, no he wasn't joking) I went into my usual rant, of course, told him what I thought of him, made a point or two about him being a coward about the piercing, and how any human being in the world could've made the same mistake I just made, and if he ever says something that sexist again it'll be the last thing that ever comes out of his mouth. He was scared of me from that point on, and for the three years she dated him, he never said anything sexist again.

And there it is. Who do I address? The men or the women? Strange things happen when we stick up for ourselves, Ladies. There's absolutely no reason at all that any of us should accept this sort of bullying just because "guys will be guys". "They only think with their penises, what else should we expect?" Um, we should expect a hell of lot more. But some situations are a little more subtle, and harder to address. There's plenty of nice guys out there who treat women with a decent amount of respect, but can't come to terms with the fact that being nice has nothing to do with sexism.

Stupid little things, right? What about all the really nice guys who couldn't find it in their egos to laugh at my jokes? What about how one my guy friends thought he was being chivalrous by letting me know he let me win a game of chess? What about when I was on the church softball team and I was out in the outfield, and a super easy-peasy grounder came rolling at me and as I swooped down to scoop it, my own team mate came running in front me and snatched it up? I gave him a look that could kill, but that was about all I could do… Or was it? Sure I made my friend's boyfriend want to wet himself, but that case was easy. The harder part is getting the less blatent stuff confronted.

Most of my life I’ve done nothing but grit my teeth and allow this fury to build up and flash out at the most inconvenient times. And then what? Well, that just makes us women look emotionally unstable, right? I must be on my period, right? No. NO. There’s more that can be done than just an angry look, or a clenched fist. I was given a gift of voice, of words, and a defiance to be told that I am less of anything. And any respectable man or woman who agrees with me, should follow my lead.

So. How do we, as a society, breed the non-sexist, respectable man? Women: you need to expect more, and not be afraid to demand it. Men: try not to be defensive when a woman speaks out agaist sexism or demands to be respected. Please, open your mind at least a little to the possibility that you just might, just maybe, truly see yourself as a higher being, and us as lessers. That's about all I can really say. It's up to a man to actually want to not be sexist, and so few do because it means they have to give up so many of their priveledges. So few do because women are often used as bonding tools between men, and the minute they have to regard a woman as a human being instead of "getting some tail", then they've lost the respect of their caveman buddies. If you need an incentive, men, try racing your fellow mankind out of the next stage of evolution. Because I truly believe that a non-sexist, respectable man is far more evolved than all the other men, and in turn is far more desirable. The trick is, to get women to stop settling for the cavemen. Men would be quicker to try harder if they knew they'd loose out on us. My mission may seem impossible, no doubt, but that's not going to stop me from trying.

Secrets to Understanding Women....Phase 1: dating

I've debated about this with myself for years, now. I've always wanted to write a sort of "handbook" for men. But when you think of all the variables it's hard to go down one, specific path with it. Every human being is too individual to throw into catagories, or stereotype. Because, hey: not all women have shoe fetishes, and not all men are good with a wrench. Right? And we're all attracted to different types, and we all have our own way of playing the dating game, and we all have different reasons for being in a relationship. And? When it really comes down to the real deal? Love? There's no guidelines for love. It's the most impractical, illogical force of all... But, dating? On a shallow level? A simple level?

Let's throw all those variables out the window, entirely. I've been itching to let out a few clues, tips, and basic rules to follow for a man in pursuit of a woman. Now there's different stages, of course. I want to start with my "favorite" (which conveinently comes first in the sequence already), which is: asking the woman, out.

Dating, it's called.
Now,I'm going to share a secret. Consequently, this secret is going to turn me into the biggest hypocrite (a good kick off!), but I think it's only fair.
I don't date.
I hate dating.
I hate the ritual of a man I hardly know forking out money to pay for my dinner, or for my drinks, or my cheesy bowling games. It makes me feel obligated to a complete stranger. Awkward! And flowers? No thanks. Nice gesture, but I believe that romance like that should come later. Buying me flowers when I hardly know you makes me feel like you're trying to buy my affection. I'm either going to be attracted to you or I'm not, flowers aren't going to change that.
I'm terrible, aren't I?
Yeeeah...
I don't think I am. I'm real.
But here's where the hyprocritical part of it comes in:
I'm about to share some "tips", and "rules" and what not about dating a woman properly. I'm going to pretend that I'm a woman who actually likes dating, and I'm going to let you in on a few of our secrets. (I can already feel the controversy rising....)

Our signals:

Subconsciously, women will hold themselves in as feminine of a light as possible when first meeting a man they're actually attracted to. If her voice seems up an octive, your chances are good. If her posture is ladylike, and she's moving about like she wants you to know how flexible she is, your chances are even better. If she holds your gaze for a while, and smiles seductively. You're totally in.
But these are easy. The harder ones are telling when she's NOT into you. Pay attention to these, now.
1) If she's talking to you like an old buddy from elementary school, she's not interested. Just because she's laughing at your jokes doesn't mean she wants to sleep with you. If her giggles are sort of shrill, and she touches you when you make a joke, then you're totally in. But if she laughs, and doesn't want to make eye contact, she's trying not to lead you on.
2) Nine out of ten times a woman who says "no" (to anything), MEANS "no". She's not playing hard to get. Get over it, respect her "no", and for the love of nancy, MOVE ON.
3) If she doesn't call you, she's not interested. Period. She didn't loose your number. She's not too busy. She doesn't like you in that way, and doesn't want to lead you on.
4) "Just friends" means: "In no shape or form am I ever going to be sexually attracted to you." "Just friends for now" means: "I like to take it real slow, and I'm unsure of you right now, so I want to wait it out..."

Those are the basics.

You want to know how to turn a woman off? These are good...heh heh...Check it out:
*Stare at her breasts and grin stupidly.
No, it's not a compliment. A glance, is a compliment. Staring and grinning makes you look like a man with absolutely no self control, which, in turn, makes you look no more evolved than an ape.
*Talking in a weird, trying-to-be-sexy voice. Dude. You're either sexy or you're not. The voice is just lame and weird. Very, very few men can pull off the sexy voice, and the ones who can have a natural talent that they themselves are probably not even aware of.
*Don't buy a drink for a woman without asking first. Don't be that guy. Don't ask the bartender to send a drink "to the blonde by the pool table", and then wink at her when the waitress points you out. Double, trible, quadtruple rude. Why? Because for one, you don't even know if she has a boyfriend. Two, you have no idea what kind of drink she likes or even if she WANTS another one. Three? It looks like you're buying her off. You're putting her into a position where she's now going to feel rude if she doesn't come talk to you whether she's attracted to you or not. There's nothing worse than "tricking" a woman into talking to you. This happened to me once, and I was a little bit of a snot about it. I saluted the guy (who was...whoa. super hot...)in a sort of sassy way, drank my free drink, and never went over to talk to him. Mean bitch? No way.
Now. If she's been sending you signals all night? Okay. Sure. But you should still ask her, no matter what. ASK HER.
*And for the love of pete: just because you own a house, have a nicely manicured lawn, work in an upscale office, drive a nice car, and really, really like to talk about yourself, does not in any shape or form automatically make you a good catch. Having a hobby or two, a passion, a joke to tell, something of the sort is going to make your night all the better. That is, of course, if she's a normal, unshallow, good woman. (Again with those variables! Crap.)

Ugh. Writing this is making all those variables spring up, and is making me second guess everything I'm writing. I certainly can't speak for all women, only myself and the ones who are like me. There are plenty of women who would love to have a mystery man buy them a drink from across the way. There are plenty of women who totally dig guys with deep pockets and nice offices...

So. I suppose this is simply a list, an essay, a rant on things that I wish I could say to every man who's ever tried to hit on me and has only pissed me off doing so. If there are any women out there who agree to any of this, I sure would like a show of hands. There's so much more I still want to carry on about, but I think I ought to end it here before my foot gets lodged completely into my mouth.