Sunday, April 18, 2010

Why Short People Are Angry

Not many people are aware of this, but short people have a reputation for being a little more angry than other people.

We're a little scary when we're angry. Sort of like when spiders get angry....

It's an unfortunate repuation, but there is a little bit of truth to it.
Allow me to explain why:

People treat us like children, which baffles me sometimes especially when Mr. Short Guy is sporting grown-up facial hair and a receeding hair line, or Ms. Short Girl has a C-cup size. Height has nothing to do with age. It's not rocket science, Folks.

We get called "cute" WAY too often, and when there's cheek-pinching involved it's twice as worse. We just might pinch back, so watch out.

Finding something on the top hooks of Old Navy is a nightmare. If you're going to put shirts up that high, have a step ladder available, People. Climbing and knocking down other merchandise is always a drag.

Short people have small feet. The small sized shoes are always on the top shelf. I've seriously thought of writing a letter to Target...

Having to stand on shelves in the grocery store to reach top shelf items is annoying, sweat laboring, and embarassing work, and endangers glass jars to boot.

Having to drag out the step ladder just to put away a stupid mug is time consuming and agitating.

High shelves PERIOD, just suck. Let's just say that, ok?

Tall people like to sit in front of us in movie theaters.

We here jokes like "I'd take you to the carnival, but I don't know if you're tall enough to ride the roller coaster", or "Aren't you like an inch away from being a midget?" or "How's the weather down there?" over and over and over AND OVER again throughout our ENTIRE LIVES. It's never funny. And it's never original or clever or witty. You're an idiot for it, can I just say that?

We get our heads used as an armrest, and people think it's supposed to amuse us. It doesn't.

We hear, "You're so SHOOORT!" far too often. As if we don't know we're short... Seriously? We know, ok. WE KNOW.

No. I am NOT a dwarf... nor am I one of Santa's little helpers...
However? "Hobbit" is sometimes acceptable only because Hobbits have stout hearts and good nature, and they like to smoke pipes and eat a lot....and they save the world from darkness and evil...

Sitting in a booth in a restaurant has the uncanny ability to make one look like a child...And it's a little embarrassing. And asking if I need a phone book is NOT funny...

It was a revolutionary saftey feature when they invented the adjustable steering wheel...

People think that when you're little you don't need the armrest on the airplane, so they help themselves...

People automatically assume that when you're little, you're easy to push around. Surprise!!! Short people have a lot of pent up anger.

Take my armrest, I just might take your ARM.

THE END... of my stupid little rant.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

one of these days I'm going to write a "Why Tall People Are Angry" sequel... lol....

~Rin

jcdawn said...

You are too awesome!